Aaaarrrrrgggg

Calling RD's doctor and talking things over with our home health care agency calmed the roiling water a bit for me.  The doctor prescribed a compounded form (topical cream) of Lorazepam.  Vigilance is required when considering neuroleptic medications for my husband.  Many drugs have adverse side effects in LBD patients.  Feels like walking a tight rope without a net.  RD's behavior can be agressive and angry, demanding and physical, especially in the evening, however, side effects of administering medications that may calm him down also worsen the Parkinsons symptoms and make him drowsy and lethargic, even to the point of not eating.  Seems like "damned if you do and damned if you don't" kind of dilemma.
On Tuesday, I rescheduled a hair cut I had canceled in October.  I decided to treat myself to a facial as well.  I hired an RN to stay with RD from 12:00-4:00pm that day and looked forward to the 'me' time and some pampering.  The stylist finished the haircut and styling and was beginning the facial  when my phone rang.  It was the nurse.  She told me RD was trying to hit her, telling her to get out and leave him alone, cursing and swearing at her and attempting to leave the house.  She could not quiet or calm him.  She couldn't restrain him without fear of causing him to fall. She requested I come home.  I did.  This is a 9 on the frustration scale.  Walking in the door, he practically ran to me yelling, "Who the hell is she?".  I calmly explained who she was (she had stayed with RD on at least 2 previous occasions) and that I was getting my hair cut and needed her to be home with him.  He nearly fell into my arms with a look of relief and exhaustion.  Who knows what was going through his mind or if the behavior was the result of fear and anxiety. I constantly guess and speculate on why he acts a certain way but trust me, I don't really know a damn thing about it.  Not only is this behavior so NOT like him, it is alien to his being.  I do not understand this disease or the havoc it wreaks on RD's mind and mine.