Monday, October 17, 2011

Hitting the Rapids and Holding On Tight

Called the ambulance for the first time in my life.  RD developed a watery, gurgly breathing sound over the weekend.  Breathing was rapid and scary to hear.  This morning I could not get him to his feet.  The expression, "weak as a kitten" fit him perfectly.  After foolishly trying to lift him to his feet this morning, we both fell back onto the bed.  Oh yes, the agony of defeat and the call for help followed.
He was transported to the hospital emergency room where he received IV fluids, three blood draws, and a chest x-ray.  He did not have pneumonia so he was sent home about 3 hours later.  He has been asleep since arriving back home (2:00pm) and it's now 10:00pm.  How will he be able to sleep through the night? 
With these breathing problems also came new behaviors.  He has become angry and agressive towards me.  He clenched his fist and tried to take a swing at me saying I was trying to kill him.  He told the emergency room staff he didn't trust me because I was trying to kill him.  He tried to hit the young phlebotomist drawing blood.  I've never seen behavior like this.   It has been "normal" for him to pick up my hand and gently kiss it, mouthing the words "I love you".  How did we go from this to trying to hit me? 
This explains tonight's Title.  I feel like the water is roiling with jutting, dangerous rocks ahead.  Most are beneath the surface so no way to know when the whole boat will break apart after hitting a hidden boulder. Could be tomorrow or next week but they are out there. 

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