I'm neither a 'routine' or 'spontaneous' person but if left to my own devices I'd prefer not having a set schedule to follow. A bit confining, however, when living in a Lewy Body world, routine is an essential component of life. The day begins with refreshing RD's skin (warm water and washcloth 'bath' in the bed, applying lotion, and topical medications where needed). Then dressing, walking to the living room, shaving him with an electric razor and combing his hair. This is followed with a short walk to the bathroom where he rinses his mouth with mouthwash and I put clean dentures in his mouth. Back to the chair where I prepare and administer breathing treatments and inhalers. Next, blood sugar and blood pressure checks. At last, we're ready for breakfast and morning medications.
This morning he said, "Calendar the back of the building". Don't ask me how but I knew he wanted me to go back to the bedroom and get his electric razor. I usually bring it out to the living room with me and maybe he noticed I didn't have it this morning.
Rough day from beginning to end. I can never identify the exact 'beginning' of a change, just a general sense of a shift. This time I feel the very ground shifting under my feet. RD is less and less sure of my name. A few days ago he ask my name and today he said, "You're a Jennings. I know that". Over and Over today he asked to go home and nothing I said could convince him he was home. Language usage was impossible to decipher no matter what I tried. I was mentally drained by the end of the day and could do little but cry while doing the dinner dishes.
Watching him melt away in front of me. I am always reaching for his hands and holding them both at the same time, trying to hang on the whatever is left of him. Today those beautiful blue eyes looked back at me with bewilderment and less and less recognition. Come back to me, come back to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment