Spoke too soon. The plea to "go home" began again this evening. I asked what home he wanted. To my surprise he said, "Oak Street". He lived on Oak Street 40 years ago with his first wife. Experience tells me to act on this desire rather than spending hours trying to redirect or talk him out of it. Unfortunately, we had our first snow of the season today. Although it wasn't much snow, it was a heavy, wet snow. It left a thick slush on the road ways that began to freeze this evening. But, undaunted, I bundled RD up with a coat and hood and seat belted him into the car. Off we went for an evening ride around town. Our first stop was Oak Street but he could not identify his house. We drove past his old office building, the courthouse, the library, and familiar landmarks. Eventually, I grew nervous driving around on roadways teetering between ice and slush. When we got home, RD seemed happy and comfortable back in his real "home". Wish I could figure out why "wanting to go home" is a nightly request. Most of the time, the home he wants to return to is his childhood home but tonight was different.
He is in bed early this evening (8:00pm), giving me a blessed few hours alone. This time sweetens my life. My sister asked if I had any particular wish for a Christmas gift this year. Without a moment's hesitation, I told her the gift of time would be the best gift I could receive. If someone could come and stay with RD while I went out alone - priceless. If you can move about with ease, the penned-up feelings associated with 24/7 care escape you. There is really nothing else quite like it. What I wouldn't give for a day alone, free to explore what I want, when I want...
I once read that the desire to "go home" was not really a physical place but a time when things were right with the dementia patient.
ReplyDeleteHubby, who was dx with LBD in 2007, expresses a desire to "go" he is always going to move away.
It can get very intense at times.
You gift idea sounds wonderful.
For the first time in 4 yrs I took advantage of a week of respite. I had a million things I had dreamed of doing and people I wanted to spend time with but when the time came, I spent most of it with myself. isn't that odd?
I hope you get your gift of time.
Kathy, this is the first comment my blog has received. Just connecting with another person is wonderful. I'm so glad you posted a comment.
ReplyDeleteYour decision to spend time by yourself sounds perfect to me. That's exactly what I would like to do - be alone.
Whether I get the gift of time or not, I'm happy the holiday is coming. I hope your holiday allows time with family and friends but doesn't pile extra work on you.
Jo Ann
I have a chronic illness 100 list from my blog: A Stellarlife, it has just one or two dementia blogs, may I add yours? Believe me you are NOT alone! Keep writing. My mother now has Alzheimer's, good days and bad. We must be their angels, and that is just how it is. One day all you hope for will happen. Peace and love your way.
ReplyDeleteYes, Please add my blog to your list of 100. I would be honored.
ReplyDelete